don't panic!

I thrive in chaos. 

My pulse quickens and my hands sweat and my lizard brain takes charge, forcing my anxieties into a very unpleasant fight or flight sensation, but I THRIVE. My outsides remain cool as a cucumber, and I get shit done. When waters in my life get too eerily calm, THAT is when the panic sets in. 

But that means that times like these (when the entire world is falling apart and everyone is freaking out about what’s next) are my time to SHINE. I AM ALIVE!

So, friends. Listen to me. Listen to your wise Aunt Shelbi. Is she probably being a little too optimistic and naive? Sure! But explain to me how that’s different than prayer (which I know plenty of you are doing right now). Even if you think I’m off my rocker, you’ve got to admit that having hope feels much better than panicking right now.

We’re all going to be alright. I even have tips!

Consider taking a breather from social media.

I’m an introvert, meaning my batteries recharge by being alone. For me, scrolling social media does the same thing to my nervous system as being in a packed room full of people. With so many people all being home right now due to the spread of COVID-19, everyone’s flocking to the internet to do their socializing there, and it kinda feels like I’m being forced to hang out with everyone and listen to all their thoughts at all times. It feels like I’m back in high school and some bonehead stoner is babbling incoherencies at me at a dumb party I don’t care about and I’m being forced to nod along and be polite.

So I took the Facebook app off my phone to give myself a breather. It helped. I kept Instagram and Twitter initially, but within two days, those had to go, too. Knowing what everyone is doing right now at all times while they’re stuck at home and bored was just too much for me, and it’s okay if it’s too much for you, too. Just take the apps off your phone. Give yourself a little space. It’s not permanent, there’s no need to announce your departure (truly, no one will notice you’re gone. In a good way!), and you can check in on everyone when you start to miss them again.

[Bonus points will be awarded for turning off all your news notifications as well. Trust me, the 75 emails that pour in hourly from every company you’ve ever patronized in your entire life will continue with all the updates you need.]

Make a list.

Do you hate a list? Cuz I love a list. And I really want you to make one. (Just the one if it’s too painful for you.) But I’ll be honest, if I see or hear another person complaining about boredom I am just going to go jump into the ocean to live forever among the fish. LISTEN TO ME. Do you KNOW how often we all say “I wish I could _____, but I don’t have the time?” Because it’s A LOT. Whether it’s spending extra time with your kids, finishing that project around the house, connecting with your partner, starting that hobby. We are all full of ideas and even fuller with excuses for why we can’t do anything about those ideas. We’re at work for a million hours a day and when we get some we’re too tired to tackle anything new. BUT NOW most of us are stuck inside our houses. I hate to be That Person and go a little too Suzy Sunshine right now but: COME ON! WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY! Even if you’re working your job from home now, you suddenly have a lot more flexibility in your schedule to fit in something new.

Sit down right now and make a list of all the stuff you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Write it on a freakin’ napkin with a Sharpie for all I care, just write it down. Get one of your kids to write it down if you must, they’re all stuck home with nothing to do anyway. In fact, if they’re old enough to understand it, have them make a list too. Dream big, but include the small stuff. Like “replace old lightbulb in basement” or “make a list of family and friend’s birthdays” or “scrub bathtub grout” -- whatever! Learn something! Mandarin or calligraphy or guitar or Crow Pose. NAP! Literally whatever! I recommend only writing stuff down that you actually WANT to complete though, not just stuff you think you SHOULD want to do. If reorganizing your junk drawer or watching Frozen II with your kids doesn’t spark joy, don’t put it on the list! (But do consider how good it would feel to finally tackle some of the crappier stuff. Just saying.)

The point of the list is so every time that boredom panic creeps in, where you start thinking you’ll be stuck in your house forever and society will all implode and never be the same and we’re all gonna die like this, just look at the list! Look at all the stuff you can accomplish and master if we’re stuck inside long enough! You could emerge out of this a Mandarin-speaking calligraphist with abs of steel if you are efficient about all this time off! Even if your hobby is napping you can make it to the other side of this thing one WELL-RESTED MOTHERF*CKER if you just commit. But trust me, if you commit to something (or several somethings) while you’re stuck inside, you’ll feel much better than if you just scroll on your phone for the next several weeks. Personally I’ve gotta create and then push a baby out of me to get 2 weeks off typically, so I’m just thrilled to be given the time without the extra effort.

Practice perspective.

Look, a lot of things might not feel “fine” for a long stretch of time. Maybe you’re reading this and you’re so effing pissed at me right now because your life is so completely NOT fine that you want to set me and all my dumb words on fire. (Though, I did warn you there might be a bit too much optimism and naivety here for you, so please don’t blame me.)

But here’s the thing. Most of you freaking out about how Not Fine everything is are freaking out because this is the most Not Fine you’ve ever been. Think about that for a second. You’ve never been told you can’t leave the house! Or go get a beer! You’ve never been asked to stay away from all your friends, or not to go to work. You’ve never not been able to order baby wipes from Amazon with the click of a button, or not had your weed or wine delivered to your door in an hour, or had to go to several different stores before finding toilet paper. Meaning: a lot of the Not Fine problems that we are having are because our society ensures we are so TOTALLY FINE all the time that a bit of inconvenience just levels us. We’re shocked. We are Not Fine, but we are also… So Totally Fine, really, compared to a lot of others.

Really, truly, for a lot of us, this is merely an inconvenience. And it’s okay if that is enough to make you feel Not Fine right now. But I also think it’s important to compare our current idea of Not Fine to people who have it much, much worse. I think sometimes when you’re crying about the pain from a papercut it helps to think about how you could have lost a finger. It’s not about comparison, it’s about perspective. We have access to what we need, and even bonus extras like ice cream delivery and takeout from our favorite restaurants. If you have a safe home to be quarantined in, if you have food on the shelves and power and water and heat and CABLE AND WIFI and your family around you… maybe things could be worse.

Look for the helpers.

Let’s take some advice from Fred Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers.’ You will always find people who are helping.” It’s terrifying not knowing what will happen from day to day or how this will affect our economy long-term. But there are so many people trying to help in the meantime.

There are free meals at several local places to ensure the kids who usually only eat at school are getting fed. Some states and counties are even delivering meals where it’s possible. Educators and Yoga Teachers and masters of their craft are offering free online lessons and subscriptions so we don’t go stir crazy. Schools are purchasing laptops for kids who don’t have access to technology at home. Communities are donating extra goods and spare change to their neighbors in need. People are making sacrifices left and right. Staying home, canceling weddings, artists and writers are canceling tours. Many of these things were done before we were even forced to, people just acting preemptively to help keep us safe.

We’re taking care of each other right now. We are ALL worried about making rent and mortgages and bills. There are even people trying to help us with that, too. We are worried about getting our groceries and gas and being able to get to the doctor if we need it, and there are people helping tirelessly to make sure we still have access to those things. Things ARE going to change, but isn’t that all we’re ever going on and on about? How we want things to change? Even if the changes are scary, I hope it’s a worthwhile lesson to us about how things before maybe weren’t so bad. When we change, we grow. Either way, we could be at the precipice of something great, regardless of the outcome, if this reminds us all how to come together.

We can do this. YOU can do this. A little uncertainty and nervousness can be good for the system every once in a while. It keeps you on your toes. I don’t mean to make light of what is clearly a very scary time for many people, but I hope to just remind you that there IS good. Here, now, everywhere. And even if you can’t feel it, I hope you remember that the good always comes back. It just does. Does the sun come up each morning despite the absolute shitstorm our world has become? Does she keep showing up for us, every.single.day, no matter how long and dark the night?

She sure does. So we will, too.